Bird. Man. .

Remember the times we had
the places we went
they all seem to slip away
while i stand here by your grave
and i cant bring myself to laugh
but i cant bring myself to cry
and all that sits upon my face
is the blankest stare.

My friends they tell me i gotta move on.
but theres something that clings on.
i see you walking down the street holding another man’s hand.
your as good as dead to me,
but the pain wont seem to slip away

I wanna hold your hand
i wanna walk you down the street
but every time we are together
you seem to forget me
cause hes your man
and thats the way this story seems to…
end

Now that i got your attention, lets blog about some stuff!

its been quite a while, so here we go:

Recently I had the chance to buy, and watch Across the Universe about 15 times. If you havent seen that movie, you are missing out on life. Its the ONLY musical Ive ever enjoyed.

My life has been very busy lately, so..

Ill start off with colleges. I got two applications in, one to NCSU (North Carolina State University) and one to UNCG (University of North Carolina Greensboro). I still have not decided what i want to do with my life, its really up in the air I suppose at this point. While other people are going to college with an idea, i still have nothing. Awesome, I’m sure Ill figure that out soon.

Some of you may have heard about the great key scandle at my school ( http://www.wral.com/news/local/story/2484284/ ) The news knows nothing about really how severe this was, possibly 150+ people could be involved, and it could go back as far as 3 years, with midterm answer grades being stolen (20% of our first semester grade).  Our teachers hate us, and we look like the worst group of kids to ever come through this school (apart from ‘02, they had sex during classes in the bathrooms and had a point system based on who you fucked during what class and what teacher you had). Today one of my teachers brought up an excellent point (as the news vans were parked out in the front), he asked them “Our school has won numerous awards, we had a webcam live from Pearl harbor that you guys didnt come to, our football team won its first postseason game sence segregation, and you choose to come to the bad stuff”. I turn on our news and hes right, thats all they report, the bad stuff. It’s terrible we live in a society that only does/publish the bad. Why cant we hear about the good things that happen in Iraq? Im sure there are a few things that are decent over there, no instead we hear about how many soilders died today. The day we have a day of only good news will be the day I look around and wonder when the apocolypes is coming, cause it will be closeby.

Girls, you cant live with them and you cant live withount them. What is it that makes us so attracted to you females? (im sure the only one reading this is a bunch of guys (maybe liz?)). All I ask is that you give us a chance, so next time some poor  guy trys to woo you, let him have a shot, throw him a big grin or something. Trust me, it makes our day so much better.

I wrote this for english, and read it to the class:

I am a hippy from chapel hill
I walk around withount any bills
Withount a toke from my bong
I cant sing this fair song
Common take a ride with me
In my bright colored van, get high with me
My dirty bare feet and my hemp jeans
Are the means
With which i write my symphony
Cause your gonna have an epiphony
Cause once your read my symphony
You cant go back to dissing me
Picket signs and wicked rhymes
Are my tools with which i change your minds
You say nothings going to change your world
Well then sit down, or fall down cause i dont have time for your false word
I am the butterfly that flaps its wings in china
While you are shaken here in carolina
I am the master key
I think you’ll agree
I’ve got all the answers
To your cancers
Youve got what you need, but you still cant sleep at night
I tell you, dont worry about a thing, cuase every little things, gonna be alright
Peace love and unity
Thats all we need in this community
When i roll you a jucy blunt
You cant act like a grunt
I’m gonna roll it up
Your gonna light it up
Puff puff pass
Dont throw away that grass

My teacher had a heart attack and nearly killed me, it was great fun

Band of the Blog: Cloud Cult, great alternative psychadelic band. They have some really great lyrics. Check out their song “Take your Medicine”

I find im constantly running, never stopping. Its a rat race isnt it?

shall i attempt to explain the last few weeks of my life? here goes:

 The girl ive been trying to win the affection of is dating a 24 year old man that she works with.

I recently went to dinner with a girl who was sorta stalking me, but she turned out to be a lovely girl with great looks and a similar personality to that of my own.

Now my friends tell me i should wait for the girl i started with to leave her boyfriend. that i shouldnt see other people while im out and about. that i should remain by her side hoping she will leave him at some point for me…..

Now thats all fine and dandy if your able to deal with standing every day next to the girl you didnt get, becasue you see i get to see this girl at least 3 times a day. and every time i see her face i get down in the dumps again.

Let me explain how i ment this girl,

It all started the first day of school this year. I walked into my first period class and there she was sitting in the corner, and i immediatly sat next to her. thinking to myself “wow, this girl is AMAZING! who is she? where did she come from?” well for better or for worse the class ended withount me saying a word to her. but then THERE she was again NEXT period, again i sat down near her telling myself “SAY SOMETHING YOU IDIOT!” again i sat silent, in awe of this girl and her beautiful voice.

 she was not in my next class, and as i was walking to my fourth period i said to myself “what if she was in another one of my classes, wouldnt that be crazy? 3 classed with one person is UNHEARD of at my school and as i walked into math, there she was. I immediatly walked up to her and said hello, introduced myself and found out her name. Laura….sigh.

 Before senior year i was a quiet kid, reserved, i didnt speak much, i had a few good friends, but i didnt go out of my way to meet people. That all changed as i got to know Laura, she changed me, and my life, for the better.

What lession will i take from this? Live in the moment my friends, dont hold back anything that has to do with these situations, Becase every time i look at her now, i think of what might have been, and what might still be.

Here we go, the final say in this from birdman, this is it.

After this, im never going to speak of idn again. if i do, slap me on the wrists.

parts of this kando might not admit to, i dunno, i dont care anymore. This is all true.

After being kicked out of malloc, kando set up a spying operation on a server (i dont remember what server that was) along with his followers who left malloc with him. When i discovered this spying i reluctantly helped it, becuase it was kando, my friend.

Eventually kando worked up enough money to start IrcDotNet, when we first connected he asked me to help him set up services, thats when i asked him “let us not take the malloc spying/whining here, i dont want this server to be about crying over spilt milk” i was amazed when he agreed with me, and so i helped him set up his small network as he told people to move on in

I continued to advise kando on things like “should jordan be oper” and “should we link with these guys” even when my advice was givin tho, he always did it anyways. he didnt hold a firm connection with his opers (thus why idn fell). Kando’s decisions were random, and never went double checked (EG: link with partyvan (lasted all of half a day or so), link with kodachi – that kando just suddently pulled out of withount so much as a “goodbye”), if idn was a network for the people by the people, and of the people why did kando not even listen to me? one of his most trusted friends (at the time).

(note: lets take a look at this shall we? who was pretending to be a friend kando? it wasnt just I like the log below says, you too wernt really a friend anymore after you stopped listening to me, and askin me about idn affairs:

http://pastebin.com/m68492533

For this i site your very own logs

[10:31:19PM] <kando> but u stick arond
[10:31:21PM] <kando> pretend to be a friend

)

He said EvilSeph was a dictator that asked no one what they thought, and as i left kando’s trust, I became friends with EvilSeph, who contrary to what kando would belive you think, DOES ask what we think and DOES take it into account when making decisons. Eventually kando stopped asking for my opinion alltogether. altho i kept trying to find things to talk about, we grew farther apart.

Over time idn built withount any of my input/help because well….kando didnt ask anymore, he didnt seem to care what i did. Very quickly kando went back to trashing Malloc, at first i let it go, thinking it was just a temp thing….however slowly the whining kept coming, over and over again. it was starting to get very old very fast. and as the whining continued on, my allegance to idn fell. so i stopped coming alltogether, then kando came to me telling me “idle in idn like you do on malloc, or lose your oper”. Alas, i had seen this coming all too soon. I resigned my post as oper of idn.Then i started #rebels, had fun with that, kando’s men tried to put it down but eventually they won out, o well i thought now i can have fun and work back up to get oper again. I did, much too easily i might add i was re accepted after ##HELL##.Still the Malloc whining continued (yeah reading this its getting annoying now isnt it?). One day they took it too far making an EvilSeph bot and making fun of it… you know why i lost my oper that day?

[23:55:35] [kando] i thought it would be obvious
[23:55:38] [kando] i guess not
[23:55:42] [birdman] form what i got
[23:55:50] [birdman] i left for a little bit so i wouldnt get angry
[23:55:56] [birdman] then i rejoined and it was gone
[23:56:09] [kando] before you left so you wouldnt get angry
[23:56:14] [kando] you managed to say something
[23:56:16] [kando] that set me off
[23:56:24] [kando] and u probably didnt even realize how you said it
[23:56:28] [kando] but you said something like
[23:56:33] [kando] what if we made a kando bot and made him do stupid things
[23:56:35] [kando] we?
[23:56:40] [birdman] i said the guys at malloc dont make a kando bot and mock it
[23:56:46] [kando] no u said we
[23:56:51] [kando] that set me off
[23:56:58] [birdman] i said we?
[23:57:00] [birdman] hmmm
[23:57:02] [kando] it shows me that you feel closer to them
[23:57:10] • birdman looks to the logs
[23:57:11] [birdman] one sec
[23:58:19] [kando] [12:49:37AM] <birdman> kando, lest we dont make a fake little kando on malloc and make him do stupid shit

so i said the word we? anyone else buying this BS? looks to me like he was waiting for me to say something so he could kick me out. course he wont admit to this.

oh but the butchering of birdman doesnt stop there, he has the nerve to call me immature? the elementary school bully calls me immature….haha

[23:59:22] [kando] and then overnight
[23:59:36] [kando] [1:55:10AM] <birdman> Sturmeh i killed your father
[23:59:36] [kando] [1:55:12AM] <birdman> sry
[23:59:36] [kando] [1:56:02AM] <Greatmetal> birdman kando killing krysis kore
[23:59:36] [kando] [1:56:44AM] <birdman> whar did my oper go?
[23:59:36] [kando] [1:56:47AM] <birdman> faggots
[23:59:36] [kando] [1:59:33AM] * birdman (~bird…@i.was.right.they.are.after.me) Quit (Quit: faggots)
[23:59:40] [kando] shows immaturity

Yeah that was immature, good job kando for spotting that on me, and not on all your other opers who are much more immature than I.

but oh it gets better i tell him “malloc has a future, idn isnt going anywhere”

[00:15:17] [kando] see its sad because we could have had dashhacks
[00:15:24] [kando] one person stopped the process
[00:15:28] [kando] and out of respect for him
[00:15:32] [kando] i wont pursue it
[00:15:35] [kando] but even so
[00:15:40] [kando] we have ps3themes
[00:15:41] [kando] ps3hax
[00:15:43] [kando] mattgamer
[00:15:50] [kando] they are going to be featured in a magazine
[00:16:01] [kando] also in pspirc delight1 got our irc addy put in for tech support area
[00:16:05] [kando] we are doing little things
[00:16:12] [kando] malloc already was infused with LAN
.

WAIT A SECOND? WHO DID HE LEAVE OUT? oh thats right, the important people, the ones vortex took…right, and how is idn doing withount them? oh…yeah…shit. cant forget about the little guy can we?

lets see what happens when we attack his principle of “malloc is shit”

[00:16:56] [kando] its not really even malloc at all
[00:16:56] [kando] just seph
[00:17:05] [kando] unfortunatly he imposes all his rules on malloc
[00:17:15] [birdman] there arnt many rules at all
[00:17:23] [kando] i lold
[00:17:53] [birdman] he just pissed you off, so you rationalized that his rules were terrible
[00:18:25] [kando] yea so did the other 20-30+ people who agree that its a much more relaxing environment here
[00:18:31] [kando] we all rationalized it
[00:19:11] [birdman] yeah that actualy makes it easier, one person starts talkin about how they thing the rules are too tough and everyone gets the idea in their head that they are right
[00:19:26] [birdman] that person was you, so everyone said yeah thats gotta be the problem, its not that we did something wrong
[00:19:27] [kando] or maybe the people were in the matrix

hahah the matrix good one, lets try and make analogys that change the subject…

blablahblahblah i win the argument about rationalizing….he calles me immature some more…

a few days pass, we are nicer to each other….vortex is born.2 days after the brith of vortex – irc.ircdotcom.com and irc.pedo-bear.com delink from idn, link to vortexand i waited for kandos reaction…. it came…huge long drawn out nothingness basicly, anything i said wasnt accept of course, but why would it be? course its always fun to let everything out, and i told kando everything. case and point, it was all true.one thing about kandos reaction i found ironic tho
.
[20:48:23] • Topic: (EvilSeph) changes topic to (idn is dead – nimo fucked us harder than possible.)

Evilseph changed the topic that said idn is dead….haha

but when it came down to it, kando was right in the end:

[22:18:15] [~kando`afk] well whatever ur intentions were
[22:18:15] [~kando`afk] grats
[22:18:30] [~kando`afk] u won
[22:18:38] [~kando`afk] u won where seph failed
[22:18:40] [~kando`afk] and niacin failed
[22:18:42] [HellDragon] cruel intentions
[22:18:51] [~kando`afk] and cyanide failed
[22:18:52] [~kando`afk] u won
[22:18:53] [~kando`afk] so
[22:19:04] [~kando`afk] win

and history, is written by the winners.

Hey guys birdman here. or am i?

anyways  ive had an interesting couple of days, hectic school work and such  so you can imagine my suprise when i turned on the tv and  a commerical advertising the following showed up:

“Finding nemo on ice”

now it is my better belife that fish do not do well with ice, in fact it generally kills them. but with something like this i just had to laugh.

as human beings we  belive ourselves to be  smarter than  the rest of the animals, but when it comes down to it, we make stupid mistakes just like them, we just wear cloathes, and when it comes down to it thats all that seperates us from  other animals.

Recently i got into a debate with a friend of mine as to why humans are the dominate specises on this planet, and why was i born a human?  why am i not a  girrafe or  a  bird ?   we eventually came to the conclusion that it was luck that placed us here where we stand, and had it not been for many many fateful events then we may very well be the idiots of this planet.

they say the chance of life on a planet is one in a billion or more. however doesnt that mean that somewhere out there there is something alive besides our bustling little planet? When i was a child i wanted so badly to become an astronaught, unfortunatly i grew up in the generation that abandoned most of the manned space explorations. note to self: if they ever fix cryogenic labs to work, do it till we land on mars.

What are your dreams? what do you want to do with your life? many of you are still young as i am and have a life ahead of you.

now my dream is to own a record store

Any of you who watch family guy will almost immediatly know what im talking about, well today was kinda a stressfull annoyance of a day. So im gona bitch about a few things.

First off, the school i go to has these very crowded halls, made for walking of course. but i absolutly love when people stop RIGHT in front of you and sometimes they are doing thus for no reason at all, or seem to not have much of a perpous. (if you can already guess this happend to me today, i was late for a class, and as such got locked out of the classroom when they were taking a test that i cannot make up withount a valid excuse, and because i dont well…i get a 0)

Second off, you know when your trying to figure out something, but cant just ask outright so you gotta dance around the subject? that sucks…alot. especially when your trying to figure out stuff conserning girls, but thats another story for another day. or later tonight, it all depends.

As i write this, im listening to this new folk band i found, sandro perri. im not much of a folk listener, mostly rock and some indie pop. but this music is quite soothing, great after a day like this. Its got a nice beat, i highly recommend giving it a listen.

Here is a sample mp3

PS: found this great video -

Hello everyone, birdman here.

this is my first post,  ive never had a blog before so this ought to be interesting.

! WARNING THIS USERS GRAMMAR IS HORRIBLE THOSE WITH PICKYNESS SHOULD LEAVE NOW!

anyways,  by the time you read this,  this will be one  of the defining features of the new malloc.  and ill probobly have more  posts by then.

Im going to take this time to tell you all a little bit about myself…

i really really really really really like music, ill use this blog to talk about that, movies, books ect.

for those of you who know me from the psp scene, ill also announce things im looking into, what im intrested in, and where i think our future lies as a scene. This is a good place to get complicated stuff explained that most people dont take the time to do, how firmwares work ect.

Untill next time,

Keep Flappin malloc – <^>